I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
