so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
