Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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