I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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