Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
