I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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