i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
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