I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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