when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
