We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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