i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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