she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
