did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
