Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
