Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
