i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
