I just cut my nipple shaving
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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