I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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