Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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