She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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