how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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