i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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