dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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