you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
dude. I can hear the air.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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