i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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