I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
