also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
