After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
