I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
