and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Randomize
