If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
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