I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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