haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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