Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Randomize
