the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
