I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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