Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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