I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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