I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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