i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I party with great urgency now.
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