i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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