Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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