There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
