Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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