whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
