Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
