She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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