she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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