what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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