I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
what day is it and did you see me today?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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