My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
