I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
