This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
