Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
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