Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
