i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
