Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
